being with t. this weekend brought out the worst in me - there were no dramatic scenes, no blow-ups, but i realized that he represents so much of what i used to be that i just don't enjoy being around him for long periods of time anymore. i also found myself fighting to feel compassion for his pain because it's basically the same old story he's been telling me since we met ten years ago. (even writing that last sentence makes me feel mean and unsympathetic.) his pain and sadness are genuine. i know that. but he makes his own misery and there seems to be no easy way to point some of that out to him. so i find myself losing patience and cringing as he lets loose yet another snide or cynical comment. the unrelenting negativity wears me down and i just don't want to be around that kind of shit anymore. and having written all of this, i feel like a mean-spirited and bad friend to him. blah.

i think i'll go play with my niece today. that should snap me back.

thisaway - thataway