attacked by my subconscious as i slept. [ 2002-10-02, 7:47 a.m. ]

i had the most horrific dream last night but if i type it out here it is just going to seem comical because abstracted elements of it were quite funny.

it involved being in a big house and knowing that a killer was inside and playing a prolonged game of cat and mouse with him, then physically fighting him off at one point, which was what woke me up - only to find myself standing in the living room, shaking.

i know enough about dream analysis to know that this dream relates to my anxiety over my dr. visit later this week. a house often signifies the body in dreams and the "killer" is a recurrence of my cancer.

so that was my night in a nutshell -pure anxiety with a little sleepwalking thrown in for good measure. i don't live in fear of cancer (or anything, really) but the phone call yesterday rattled me a bit - logic tells me it's probably just a wonky test they need to re-do but i guess somewhere inside my pea brain a little fear grew last night. okay, enough serious stuff.

thisaway - thataway

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