over the past few months my response to stress has been to go out and drink too much and pretend like nothing is wrong.
this distresses me. why have i turned away from my religion and friends and other things that can comfort me when i need it? all of that is around me and in place but instead i go out and put on the big happy face and ignore something that is most definitely not going to just go away. what am i looking for? what good has this done me? nothing.
this has to stop. and it does, here.
i have some big grown-up decisions to make in the next week and i need to leave my little happy sloshed fantasy world behind. i need a clear head if i'm going to make it through this shit again.
also, i feel great affection for someone i've been hanging around with and i have a feeling that once the nights out stop, so will the friendship. the true, dull me cannot compete with the fun drunk. so be it.