I'm not sure I can describe my mood right now -- I went out to relax and blow off some steam. Came home a while ago and have been nervously flitting around the apartment. E. offered to come stay here again tonight and I might break down and call him.
Totally selfish comment: All of this mortality stuff is reminding me that I could be in that situation someday - possibly sooner than later - and it is scaring the shit out of me. I feel completely unnerved and like I'm not doing enough for A. or J. and this just sucks. AND I feel like a complete asshole for complaining about it. Fuck.