Hot, hot days... [ 2003-04-15, 7:27 p.m. ]

Languid afternoon spent in a heat stupor...the gangs are getting an early start...as are the booming car radios, the stoop-drunks, and the ice cream trucks.

~~~

Home early today, eating garlic bread and grape tomatoes and washing them down with beer...decisions about work and living space are looming large but I'm finding it hard to work up much interest in either -- my mind is consumed by other things just now.

~~~

In the shower this afternoon, my skin smells medicinal as the sour odors of sweat and sunscreen mix with sweet soap. The girth of my belly and hips feels good in my hands.

~~~

Past two nights spent laying on the living room floor, staring at the clear, bright moon as if doing so might give me the answers. Meditation brings your face, crystal clear. I am still confused...overwhelmed.

~~~

Bought a second-hand book today because it had a letter in it. The letter was compelling in its ordinariness. Most such documents I've found are dire and/or romantic in nature. This one tells of a church outing, a son who moved up in his Boy Scout troop, vacation plans...What made this letter worth saving? Was the recipient cleaning up -- the letter absentmindedly stuck in the book and then forgotten? Was it being used as a bookmark? Could it have been a last letter from someone who died unexpectedly, saved and cherished for that reason?

~~~

I will be spending this weekend at a monastery. A monk named Funk took my reservation and will make me breakfast Saturday morning. The solitude...the diversion...I need both.

~~~

Up to the roof tonight with wine and weed and music and big pillows and D., who is the only one I can trust to remain silent when I need him to...and who is the one of the few people with whom I feel comfortable enough to remain silent.

thisaway - thataway

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