Stange dreams last night - people and places I haven't thought about in a long, long time.
~~~
I enjoyed the summer-like interlude these past two days -- the heat made me feel slow and deliberate and calm...
~~~
Went to sleep to the sound of screeching car tires, woke up to birdsongs...I love the light and sounds of early morning. One of my favorite childhood memories is the feeling of being awake before daylight on mornings when my family was leaving on vacation. The odd sensation of stepping outside into chilly air, the feeling and smell of my pillow in the car, the darkness, the smell of my mom's coffee and my dad's cigarettes...We would drive through town to get to the highway and it always felt like we were sneaking off...My dad was restless on these trips and we would stop often, tumbling out of the car onto rest-area lawns...I've always loved maps and would pulls as many as I could out of the rest area display racks...and when we got home I would lay them out side-by-side on the basement floor, mentally retracing our route and the things we saw...Travelling by car is still one of my favorite things - you can see so much just by slowing down...
~~~
Yesterday the charges and I were playing frisbee and it flew into a tree and seemingly disappeared. We couldn't find it anywhere. I jokingly said to them "It must've fallen into a time warp!", which prompted the older charge to laugh and say "Maybe someone in the future just got hit on the head with our frisbee!", which just about killed me. He's a thinker, that boy.
~~~
Considered the big break from this page because in a moment of fragility I suddenly felt exposed or at a disadvantage in a certain situation...fearful of saying the wrong thing, of being judged...things taken the wrong way...then just as quickly decided I can't worry about it, and I won't anymore...
~~~
The monastery will be welcome relief. In the past week, I have been relied on by family and friends more than I wanted to be and I need some time alone, where no one can find me.
~~~
My lover, the moon, will be full tonight.