1. I can do very convincing fake accents. It's a useless talent unless you're a spy or have friends who are easily amused.
2. When we moved here in the 70's, my dad flunked his Illinois driver's test THREE times. Once for doing what the test administrator called a "California stop" ie. rolling through a stop sign; once for lighting up a cigarette during the test; and the third time for driving with one hand. His federal employers had to intervene with the state to get him permission to take the test for a fourth time.
3. I am nightmare-prone, especially in hot weather.
4. The only remarkable thing about me is the depth of my ordinariness.
5. It usually takes a minimum of three days for me to get my clean laundry out of the laundry bag and into the closet or drawers.
6. I haven't eaten pistachio ice cream in about 20 years. If you ever want to make me ill, mention pistachio ice cream and "Tilt-A-Whirl" in the same sentence.
7. For similar reasons, I cannot drink rum.
8. Someone said this to me recently: "I think about you every day." Why do the right words out of the wrong mouth make me cringe so?
9. I'm a joker, I'm a toker, I'm a midnight smoker. I get my lovin' on the run.
10. Oh my good goddam is it hot tonight. Bleh.