Some things I could say to you -- that I sleep with the phone next to my bed...that I think of you almost every day...that I continue to search for the big "why"...that I would drop everything to come to you...that I have fantasized about you showing up on my doorstep...it's THAT bad. And I should be embarassed to admit all that but I am not. It is what it is.
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Someone complimented me last night and I was dumbstruck, I tells ya. That and my inability to utter a complete sentence due to social ineptitude really made me feel...er...idiotic. It's so bad sometimes...my shyness manifests in one of two ways -- I either talk nonstop and say any stupid thing that comes into my head....or I struggle for the simplest words...I actually blank out words sometimes when I am trying to hold a normal conversation...it's awful. The person I was talking with last night is a writer - he told me that he often has the same problem and that he thinks a lot of writers "save their eloquence for the page". Which makes you wonder what I save my eloquence for, doesn't it? Haw. haw.
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I declined the freelance job yesterday...only to have the woman who offered it to me tell me she just found out she's pregnant and maybe I would like to work for her as a nanny? Well, no...
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I am aching for significant companionship. This is an unusual state of mind for me and if I told the source of it, a hearty chuckling would be heard throughout the land...but I'm sure most of you could figure it out anyway...
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In conclusion, may I just say that this unending soupy, miserable weather can blow me.
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