Last night S. mentioned that a friend of his is having a party Saturday and she told him we "HAVE to" stop by so she can meet me. This simple statement has brought up a well of anxiety so deep that my stomach hurts. I am excruciatingly shy. I do not like being the focus of attention. I don't like feeling sized up. Being the new girl in town is going to test every ounce of social skill I have (and that isn't much, believe me).
My behavior in new social scenes is usually one of the following: The first possibility is that I completely clam up -- sometimes I manage a mumble or an ill-timed chuckle -- perhaps an obscure comment that no one gets. (This in turn usually leads to people telling me that when they first met me they thought I was snotty or sarcastic or "hard to know"). If I don't clam up...I talk. Incessantly. About anything...in hopes that no one notices that I have nothing to say.
Blah.