I had to call the IRS today.
Why, you ask? Well, because I make quarterly payments and I wanted to let them know my new address. I thought it might be helpful to them if they want to continue to send payment notices to me. After spending at least a full two minutes getting to an agent and confirming my identity, here's how the conversation went:
Friendly IRS Agent: Okay, Ms. S., what can I do for you today?
Me: I'm on a quarterly payment plan and I'm moving and wanted to update my address with you.
FIA: (Pauses). Wellll...I can't change your address for you over the phone. We can't do that.
Me: Well then how should I go about this?
FIA: Well, you can wait for the next payment coupon to catch up with you and just update it on that.
Me: What if that payment coupon doesn't reach me at my new address?
FIA: Are you having your mail forwarded?
Me: Yes, but there's going to be an interim period and I'm afraid it might not reach me.
FIA: Well, if you needed help with something else today, I could change your address while I'm helping you.
Me: Uh....okay. What else might I need help with?
FIA: You could ask me the total on your next estimated payment.
Me: Say, could you tell me the total on my next estimated payment? And by the way, I'm moving soon, could you change my address for me too?
FIA: (Without a hint of irony...) Sure, Ms. S., I can help you with that today...
~~~
Jesus Fucking Christo.