Neeiiiighhhh! [ 2004-02-27, 1:28 p.m. ]

In search of mid-week entertainment, S. and I drove down the road to the Horseshoe Lounge. This place is somewhat legendary in Austin and draws its crowd from just about every socio-economic level. It also has one of the last old shuffleboard tables in town.

The Horseshoe is located in small cluster of buildings, right next to "Irv Kaplan's 24-Hour Emergency Chair Repair Service". S. and I spent some time pondering just what kind of chair emergency would require a late-night call to Irv...most of what we thought up involved some kind of blood spillage or knife damage.

~~~~

You enter the Horseshoe via a dimly lit, crooked hallway that dumps out at the u-shaped bar. S. and I got our beer and headed over to the shuffleboard area to watch the competition. There's a wide railing around the table for spectators and we got the last two seats. The crowd was mostly older men and a few bored wives watching their husbands practice for the weekly tournament. I noticed a guy pouring himself whisky out of a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag and figured he had snuck it in. I pointed him out to S., who gave me this astounding info.: some bars in Austin have beer/wine licenses only, but you are allowed to bring in your own hard liquor. The only rules are that the liquor has to remain concealed somehow and that you purchase set-ups for a nominal fee. Kudos to the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission for that one.

~~~

The shuffleboard table was busy. The game involves very slow, graceful and fluid hand movements and the players were anything but graceful-looking (a couple of grizzled feed cap-wearing dudes and one big, tough woman sporting a pinky ring). It was pure pleasure watching the discs* gliding down through the sawdust on the glossy table. *S. and I were at a loss as to what the disc is actually called and after some conversation we decided they should be called "glidin' nuggets"; as in "Fetch me mah glidin' nuggets, woman! I'm fixin' to go play me some shuffleboard!"

~~~

My favorite part of the evening was the handwritten sign over the toilet in the ladies room that read: "PLEASE!!! DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS, SANITARY NAPKINS, LARGE WADS OF TOILET PAPER, DIAPERS, DEPENDS, PANTIES OR ANY OTHER LARGE OBJECTS THAT WILL CLOG THE TOILET!!!!! THANK YOU!!"

~~~

I am happy to say that I have never, ever flushed my panties down a bar toilet. But only because I don't wear panties.

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