Don't leave me hangin' on the telephone... [ 2006-07-19, 7:12 a.m. ]

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I feel like I've been talking on the phone for two days straight because, well, I have. It's exhausting. One of my best faraway friends phoned which was wonderful, but by the time she called last night I felt barely capable of conversation.
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The hospital called my dad to come back in today for his test results and to meet with a radiologist so there should be more news late this afternoon. My siblings are worried that he's going to these appointments alone but I think he wants to and part of me completely understands wanting to go through this alone. Until we know a timeframe and possible treatment options, there isn't much any of us can do and I think my dad needs time to absorb the shock.
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My sister surprised me yesterday - she is so angry at him and is pissed at my mom for offering to help ("She doesn't even take care of herself, it's a joke that she thinks she can help him")...I just don't know what to say to her. I gave up being mad at my dad a long time ago - he is who he is and you either deal with that or let it eat at you forever. I chose to lift that burden off myself and I wish my sister could find a way to do that as well. Do I wish things could have been different? Obviously, yes. But they weren't and in my mind there's no point in being eternally pissed at someone who is, after all, just struggling through life like the rest of us. And I know her anger at my mom stems from worry but again, there are ways to deal with that worry that are more constructive than just being pissed and making my mom feel awful on top of it.
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The suckage and the blowing of all of this is enormous.
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And may I just add how RELIEVED I am to be married to someone who has been nothing but supportive in his amazing, non-intrusive way. I love you, S.
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