1. "The Preacher" -- a guy who has recently popped up in my neighborhood. He wanders around in a suit and hat, carrying a briefcase plastered with pictures of dead fetuses and muttering to himself. If any of you single ladies out there are interested, let me know. I'll try to get his number for you.
2. "The Zombie" -- this is a older guy who circles my block every morning at about 10 mph. He is small, hunched over the steering wheel and gripping it as if it may fly away. I have watched him park his car many times -- this is a process that takes at least five in/out attempts. After he parks, he wipes off his outside mirrors with a kleenex, puts a tote bag over his shoulder, and walks slowly down the middle of the street toward the el station. He is ALWAYS staring straight ahead...I have been tempted to honk at him when I pass him in the car just to snap him out of his zombie malaise.
3. "C-Ray" -- a Vietnam vet who has lived in this neighborhood at least as long as I have (over 15 years). He is very polite and quiet with people he knows but over the years I have seen him scare the holy hell out of people with loud, Tourettes-esque barrages of obscene language. And I am just mean enough to think it's pretty funny when he does it to some roving gang of Gap-clad morons.
4. "Bumblebee Crack Lady" -- this is a veeerrry tall, very scary looking street woman. I worked the door at the Gold Star for about a year and had to block her from coming in/kick her out on several occasions -- not fun. She used to come in and just walk up to people and grab their drinks. A charmer.
5. "Latin Kings Dude" -- fresh out of prison, sporting some really cool polyester clothes, walking his pit bull and always "keepin' his eye on the sparrow". Currently the subject of an ouster campaign coordinated by the upwardly-mobiles on my block. I think I'm with 'em on that one.
6. "Eugene" -- if any of you have ever come to the greater Wicker Park area and have been approached by an astoundingly smelly guy,then turned him down for money, then had him follow you for a block or two screaming about what a racist asshole you are...that's Eugene. Weird sidenote: the guy has an amazing singing voice. (really.) He cuts down the alley behind my house a lot and I have heard him belting out some nice tunes from time to time. Maybe I should nominate him for "American Idol", if only to watch him reduce Paula Abdul to tears with one of his tirades...