Wanted to hide tonight but went to see A. instead. She is close to death, not completely awake but not yet gone.
Stopped at the Buddhist temple on the way home.
After that, stopped for a drink and ran into E. We talked for a bit and he's going to come over in a little while. I'm in a state that requires human contact.
I can rationalize suffering as a generic human condition. I can rationalize it in terms of my religion. But I don't understand why life dealt such a heavy blow to A. Every time she's gained something, some other thing came along and ripped that away from her. I cannot make sense of it and I want so badly to know that she is going on to something better.