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To My Reproductive System and All Components Contained Therein:
We've been together forever. You've never really given me any problems save the odd cramping or missed period that sent me running to the pregnancy test aisle at Walgreens. (Oh sure, cervix, you let some cancer cells in a while back but that's all water under the bridge by now.) All in all, we've had a jolly time together, haven't we?
Which is why I am finding it hard to understand what the everloving FUCK is going on with you now. Cramps that leave me doubled over in pain? Blood loss so great that I am lightheaded and craving steak? Sure, you can call it pre-menopause or whatever but I call it bullshit.
I'm willing to use a mediator to remedy this situation - say, a low-dose birth control pill. But rest assured that if such an intermediate step does not control the problem, you're all history. I won't live like this.
Yours,
The Lass
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